# HNTBL 94: Keep Your Mouth Shut

By: TheDragonBoy

## Content

How Not To Become Lunch: 94 - Keep Your Mouth Shut

Ozzy sat down with his tray and glanced over the other kids. There were a couple familiar faces, but mostly strangers. Aside from himself, this cafeteria table didn’t have many regulars- well, not anymore. Still, it felt weird to eat anywhere else. He’d been sitting there for months. His friends used to sit with him there…

No Sarabeth, he noted. Not that Ozzy was sure they qualified as ‘friends’, but she was the only other regular at the table he could stand to be around, so that was something. He had tried to leave the first time the vampire had joined him alone, not keen on eating with a predator, let alone one of Fiona’s friends, but:

“Come now, Ozma, that would be terribly rude,” the polite pred had said the moment he started to stand up. “Sit. I'm obviously not here to hunt.” Then she’d simply sat down quietly with her food tray and started to eat. The vampire’s silence and insistence on manners had made it easier. He could almost just pretend she wasn’t there.

Since then, they’d continued to meet at the table most days. There wasn’t much small talk, and he kept his guard up, but she’d never gone after him and they’d gotten used to each other. She even made it a point to warn him whenever she heard Jack or Fiona coming so he could leave before they got there. How had she framed it? ‘A polite courtesy to avoid an unappetizing social encounter.’

Letting the thought pass and forking a bit of lunch, Ozzy glanced over his schoolmates and started to eat. Naturally, he kept his eyes open for nearby preds; anyone who might be looking to cross onto the human side for something more filling than cafeteria food. He spotted Grizz and that frog girl he was dating, a large swath of other furry and scaly figures he couldn’t name, and then-

Viper.

Ozzy’s chewing slowed as he locked eyes on the snake. He and the naga shared a science class, unfortunately. And it was equally unfortunate for all the other humans in said class, particularly more so for the ones that had already passed through those coils. The predator had a reputation amongst classmates for being blunt, jealous, vindictive and… voracious. In other words, he was a huge asshole with an even bigger stomach.

And presently, it seemed like that stomach was empty. …And bruised? Even from his table, Ozzy was pretty sure he could spot a section of scales that seemed battered and misaligned.

What could have-?

He’d only just started to wonder about that when he suddenly saw the hungry snake pounce, hands and teeth extended in the direction of a passing human. However, it seemed like the predator wasn’t paying particularly close attention, which in retrospect wasn’t really surprising for Viper. The kid he’d picked out for lunch had two friends with him, one of which was very quick on the draw.

Ozzy didn’t hear the spell, but he did see the naga launch a moderate distance across the floor and slam into a nearby pillar.

Guess that explains how he gets his bruises, the observing mage thought with a sour smirk. He watched the trio of friends share words of thanks and relief, then quickly make their way to the human side of the room. Nicely done. Wait… he’s getting back up. Guys, turn around. He’s going for a second attempt, guys, turn around!

They were closer now, probably within earshot of a good yell; Ozzy braced himself to shout, but someone beat him to it.

“Hey!” Viper called angrily, mid-charge.

The mage who had fended him off before whipped back around, quickly realized what was happening, and blurted out another spell.

But the angry snake had grabbed someone’s food tray off a passing table, and now flung the contents at his prey the moment the mage opened his mouth.

Call it a successful distraction, or some unfortunate aim, but a piece of airborne bread suddenly went flying off into the lunchroom under force of magic, and the angry predator continued right on ahead to his target.

There were shouts and thumps as skin met scales and both met floor. The naga launched his lengthy body and landed hard on two of the three humans, knocking over the third. Wasting no time, the snake found and coiled tightly around the mage who had defied him, pinning the second under their combined weight.

The odd human out of the trio picked himself up off the ground, but Ozzy quickly noticed the boy had no wand. Not a mage… nothing he could do… The kid stared for a few moments and then finally scrambled away in fear, just as he saw the angry predator splaying his jaws wide.

*NOMF*

The boy in the snake’s coils looked back to see his feet disappearing into the serpentine maw.

“No!” Ozzy heard the kid shout, starting to struggle and flail. The other human, pinned beneath it all, started struggling hard as well, but Viper was nothing if not dense, which in this case meant he was quite heavy.

*gulp*

*glurk*

“Wait- wait please! I-I’ll do anything! Just stop swallowing! Don’t eat me!” cried the quickly disappearing boy.

For reasons Ozzy didn’t care to understand, most predators tended to swallow from the head first, but every once in a while, a human-turned meal got to get in a few last words. They usually didn’t amount to much…

“I- I’ll tutor you! Do your homework for you! I’m really good in class! Math, science, anything you need! I swear!!”

…The swallowing stopped. …And then reversed. Ozzy could see the rolling motions advancing back up toward the serpent’s maw as the kid started to slide outwards.

“Oh thank you! Thank you! I swear I’ll double your grades, you’ll be the best in your class!”

Viper grabbed hold of the human by both arms and yanked the now-dripping boy from his gullet.

“Really?” the snake asked.

Any secondhand relief Ozzy was feeling immediately disappeared. There was something in his voice.

“Yes!” promised the saliva-soaked teen.

“Oh wow, I’ve always wanted a human to help me out. You said you’re good with science?”

“Yeah, totally. A-anything you need.” The poor kid was too shaken to pick up on the undertones, or the fact that his arms were still solidly in the serpent’s grip.

“Well, my science teacher is always going on about how ‘everyone should understand how the digestion system works’ and junk. So just scream real loud about what’s happening and I’ll try to pay attention.”

The meaning finally hit home just as that mean-spirited smirk split open wide again, and the human’s eyes went wide just a moment before plunging into hot, slimy darkness.

Viper shoved his prey’s arms down his gullet, along with most of the human’s head, before pulling his own hands out and clenching down with a heavy swallow.

*GULP*

*GULP*

*GULP*

The snake wasted little time on this attempt. Maybe it was just that much easier to squeeze a person down head-first? Or maybe Viper had just decided his fun was over with now. Either way, the boy’s saliva-soaked shins soon re-entered the hungry maw again, and this time there would be no escape.

*GULP*

*GLRK*

“Ahh…” sighed the satisfied predator, as the bulge slipped down inside.

*UUURP*

“Blast me and insult me? Definitely not as smart as you think you are,” he said to the lump in his scales. “‘Oh, I’ll double your grades.’ What? cause I’m obviously so dumb that I can’t pass a stupid class without you as a tutorer?”

The squirming bulge slid its way over the human who was still pinned beneath the pred and then stopped there, giving the two friends a last sort of moment together.

“Yeah, you’ll be a huge help. Well, I guess you will be. Always easier to make it through a lecture with a squirming belly. Anyway, you’re welcome, by the way,” the snake shifted his address to that other boy, finally slithering off him.

The kid only gasped for breath in reply.

“I was going for you at first, but I decided to eat this guy instead. And honestly, you look like you’d be a bit more filling, so that was a solid favor. Hope you appreciate that.”

“Oh, sure…” Ozzy muttered angrily, under his breath and between gritted teeth. “…swallow his friend right in front of him, then pretend you’re actually nice and considerate cause you didn’t eat him instead. Where have I seen that before?”

Ozzy glanced across the room, far over to the other side, where a certain werewolf girl sat.

“Two-faced predators,” he grumbled bitterly.

*ahem*

Ozzy half-flinched and turned toward the sound. He’d missed her arrival, but there was Sarabeth, sitting next to him.

And she didn’t look… happy.

She put down her cutlery with a polite yet forceful clank and rose from her chair. For the first time in days, Ozzy felt the urge to grab his wand as he met her eyes. But she kept herself just still enough not to provoke a spell, and followed up only with her voice.

“Ozma, if you are going to make such heavy-handed comparisons, there are some words in order such that some simple, obvious truths might finally penetrate that human mind of yours.”

She spoke with a disapproving, bitter glare that so well accompanied someone of her class, biting all the harder for how well she delivered it: never quite raising her voice or losing her civilized elocution, yet driving home her definite displeasure with each distinct word.

“I am aware that Zachery’s absence has been considerably difficult for you, and I’ve been more than considerate with my patience, but I will not stand by while you openly besmirch Fiona’s character.”

‘Openly’ might have been an exaggeration for a few words grumbled under Ozzy’s breath, but perhaps with the ears of a vampire…

“Whatever cruelties we predators might inflict on your kind, the two of us are both exceedingly aware that Fiona’s intentions toward you have never borne any resemblance to that of some blundering naga, and to insinuate and insist otherwise is a special cruelty all its own.

“For you to work so diligently at rending what good will you do still have, demonstrates a level of social ineptitude that borders on the imbecilic. You know the kind of person Fiona truly is, despite your juvenile pretense of ignorance. And you know the same of Jack. By the Abyss, even I know that much of the boy! He is your friend. She is his- ugh- best friend. The loss of one friendship is hardly any good reason to destroy another.

“Stop pushing Jack away, find the good sense to move past the mistakes of a predator who by some miracle actually cares for your continued existence, and in the future you will refrain from making such remarks as to spoil my lunch!”

And with that, the agitated vampire finally turned sharply, emphasized by the flutter of her hair, and stormed off away from the table.

A bit embarrassed and more than a bit surprised, the other humans present glanced around, mostly at Ozzy. The boy himself was more or less stunned; shocked by her outburst and still trying to process some of the wilder bits of her vocabulary.

Sarabeth had just snapped at him… in public… And not only that, but he hadn’t ended up in her stomach afterwards!

…Did that really just happen?

Originally Published: 27-Mar-2026