# HNTBL 36: Don’t Have A Meltdown

By: TheDragonBoy

## Content

How Not To Become Lunch: 36 - Don’t Have A Meltdown

“For the rest of today’s class, we’ll be having a short trial.”

Oh, great, Jack thought, as a collective sense of dread overtook the classroom, because today wasn’t bad enough yet.

Ms. Caster waved her wand silently, and a stack of papers spread orderly from her desk, out to the desks of her students- or more accurately, her potential snacks. ‘Trials’ were what the witch liked to call her quizzes. Other than sounding a bit more mystical, the real difference was that at the end, the lowest scoring student usually ended up as the teacher’s lunch; another ‘failing student’ for her gut to ‘reform’.

Jack watched the sheet of paper land face down in front of him; he never would have thought a flimsy sheet of stationery could be so frightening. But, of course, he’d only been in school less than a month.

“You’ll have fifteen minutes. Answer like my lunch depends on it. Volte.”

All papers flipped over in unison, marking the start of the class’ ‘trial’. Jack looked down at-

“Oh, Jack,” Ms. Caster added.

Startled out of his budding concentration, his head shot up; he did not like the way she was calling his name.

“You come up here for a moment before you start.”

Suddenly, the test felt like the least of his worries. What did the powerful predator of a mage want with him so close to lunchtime? And more importantly, could he somehow not find out? He couldn’t think of any way out of it, so he nervously stood up and walked to the front, catching morbid peeks from his classmates as if they were watching a convict on death row.

“Yes, Ms. Caster?” he asked. His nervous frown was met with an unsettling smirk.

“It’s about your homework,” she said. There was a rather long moment of silence as he waited for her to explain, but to his growing anxiety she only continued to look at him with that insidious little grin, and those hungry eyes, not saying another word.

“D- *gulp*- did I get something wrong?” he eventually asked.

“Oh, well, that’s just it.” She reached down behind her desk and rummaged rather lazily for a few seconds before returning with a sheet of paper. “I can’t quite tell.”

She held the sheet up between them with two fingers. It hung limply, with a single drop of liquid falling to the desk. Jack clasped his hands together nervously. She once again said nothing, apparently waiting for him to speak.

“Sorry, Ms. Caster,” he apologized, “A vixen tried to have me for lunch on the way to class, but she only got my bag,” he explained hopefully, “I know it’s a little messy, but it’s all there.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is, child, but I’m afraid I just can’t accept it in this condition.” Despite the splash of faux sympathy in her voice, it was pretty clear that she wasn’t the least bit sorry. In fact, she seemed rather pleased. “I’ll have to give you an ‘F’ for the assignment.”

Jack took a sharp breath. That was not something any student wanted to hear, much less one in his position.

“But… but…” He did his best to think fast; pointing out the unfairness would clearly be useless. “But I’m sure you of all people know a spell that could clean it up, right?”

Her grin widened, hearing him try to play to her ego.

“Oh, but what kind of teacher would I be if I did all the magic for you? It just wouldn’t be fair to the other students, now would it?”

Jack gulped nervously again, feeling a little sweat forming on his forehead. It didn’t help that a moment later he saw the witch’s nose twitch and her smile creep wider. He could practically see his mark calling to her. But, again, his teacher took another long pause, seemingly content to just let him stew in his anxiety.

Okay, look on the bright side, he told himself. At least she can’t fail me entirely over just one missed assignment. She’s probably just- he became rather uncomfortable at the thought- enjoying the fact that I’m one step closer to her belly. That’s why she’s taking her… time…

Jack’s eyes widened a bit.

The trial!

“Oh, um, you’re right, Ms. Caster. Of course. Sorry again. I guess I’ll just go back to my test now.”

“Just a minute, boy. You are the only student- still alive- who failed to turn in their work acceptably. I can’t very well let you off without at least a stern talking to.” She sounded about a ‘stern’ as a cat toying with a mouse, but considering Jack was the mouse, she was still plenty intimidating. “Missing a homework assignment, especially in your predicament, I’m sure you know is a…”

Jack’s eyes drifted toward the clock as his teacher spoke, running his hands over each other, watching the seconds slip away into minutes. The witch rambled, hitting all the salient points rather lazily, clearly taking her time- taking his time.

Okay, okay. At least if she runs out all the time, she can’t really claim I ‘failed’ the trial, right? Nobody at the school would accept that, right? Think of all the other predators that would complain if she got away with that excuse.

“… so, I hope you’ll always remember to try your hardest in the future. Even if, for example, you end up in a predator’s belly. Sure, it’s very unlikely that you’ll make it out alive, but that’s no reason not to struggle, right? Just promise me you’ll remember that, won’t you?”

“Erm- yes, Ms. Caster,” Jack replied quite uncomfortably.

“Good. Now then, hurry off back to your trial. Good luck.”

Wait, what!? He looked at the clock again, she’d used up just under half his time. He wanted to insist that there’s no way he’d be able to do enough in the few minutes he had left, but the huge, devilish grin made it clear that she was confident she’d be able to argue otherwise, and that was time he couldn’t afford to waste.

He stood up and walked as quickly as he could back to his desk- careful not to break her ‘no running’ rule (she didn’t like having to chase her meals). Sitting back down in a growing sweat, he took his first look at the quiz, which most of the students were already half through.

Oh, gurgling guts, this is it. Eaten by my own magic teacher. At least maybe- Wait a second… Reading over the page, his eyes widened and he gasped, an unexpected hope filling the pit in his stomach. By some miracle, the questions were almost all on the same subject Zach had tutored him on the night before.

Jack threw his pencil to the paper, grabbing hold of knowledge still fresh in his mind, answering as much as he could as quickly as he could manage. He wrote so fast his hand started to cramp, but he didn’t dare stop, not even to look up at the clock, not until Ms. Caster’s voice filled the room with an evil glee.

“Alright, time’s up.”

He felt his pencil freeze in midair, unwilling to move. Then his test paper took flight, along with everyone else’s, sailing back towards the teacher and her hungry grin. With another wave of her wand, the pages fluttered around before her in a noisy cloud, sorting themselves into order as she instantly graded each one, and then landing in a neat pile on her desk. She reached out and plucked off the top sheet: the lowest scoring test.

Jack felt his heart pounding in his chest- a somewhat familiar sensation at this point- as he watched her read the name, and thought the inescapable question:

Is it mine?

Of course, he was far from the only nervous person in the room. The collective tension was all but suffocating. Luckily, Ms. Caster wasn’t the milking type. She was just as eager to have her meal as her students were to avoid becoming it.

“And my lunch is: Jac- *cough* *cough* *cough*”

Jack stopped breathing; his blood ran cold.

IS IT MINE!?

“Ugh, excuse me.”

The witch cleared her throat.

“Jackson,” she repeated clearly.

“No!” cried a boy, jumping up from his chair. “Ms. Caster, please!! Let me explain!! I-”

“Tostach,” the witch teacher cast uninterestedly.

Suddenly the boy’s voice ceased, though his mouth still moved frantically enough.

“Levito.”

The boy floated lazily into the air, and then began to drift towards Ms. Caster, flailing in vain the whole way.

“Now kids, pay attention,” the teacher instructed. Standing up from her desk, she walked over to the corner of the room, right up to the large, black cauldron they used for potion brewing. “I’ll be using Jackson here to demonstrate a very important spell. You might need this one later.”

It’s not like most of the students could look away anyway. Eyes were riveted to the boy as he came to rest silently over the open pot.

“Leachtú Gome Qum Essentia.” The witch spoke each word crisply and clearly for her class.

For a moment, it seemed like nothing had happened. Then Jack noticed the boy’s leg, it was bending strangely. No, not really bending at all, more like deforming, losing its shape entirely, almost like it was-

One of the newer students gasped. It was melting, liquifying entirely; pants, shoes, skin and bone included; becoming looser and less recognizable; dripping and then quickly cascading down like water from a faucet. Within a few seconds, the effect spread up the boy’s body, running through him from his toes to his nose, and he splattered down into the dark cauldron with a sound like an overturned bucket. As the gasps faded, for a moment there was no sound other than the sloshing of Jackson against the walls of the oversized bowl.

Ms. Caster reached behind it and grabbed an equally oversized ladle. Dipping it in, she stirred merrily for a moment before pulling it back out and lifting it up to her lips. She slurped loudly, then hummed with delight.

“Human essentia: it doesn’t quite have the same kick as a live human, but it’s much easier on the stomach and still plenty tasty, and it’s a very useful ingredient when it comes to making potions.”

*RING*

“Ah, perfect timing, my lunch is ready. That’s all for today, class.”

Stirring and muttering filled the largely uncomfortable room as students began to pack up their things, but Jack couldn’t quite pull his eyes away from his teacher as she licked her lips. A number of students looked back warily as the witch hefted the whole cauldron off the ground with her magically-granted predator’s strength, and tipped it gradually toward her widening lips.

*gulp*

*gulp*

*gulp*

*gulp*

*gulp*

*gulp*

*gulp*

As Jack cleared off his desk, he watched the series of little bulges traveling down his teacher’s throat, disappearing at first, but eventually building up a growing bulge in her midriff. Before long, a faint, muffled splash could be heard moments after every swallow, as every new bit of Jackson landed in the last.

By the time Jack started toward the door, the cauldron was nearly empty, and Ms. Caster was looking quite full. She lowered the large pot back to the ground with a thud, followed by a contented sigh, and then a large, satisfying belch. Her belly sloshed loudly as she turned back toward her desk.

“Close one, huh, Jack?” she said abruptly.

Almost out the door, Jack looked back anxiously. The witch reached out and grabbed the second sheet off her stack of tests, holding it up for a moment.

It was his.

She wiped her mouth with it and then burped again.

“It’s not often I get a meal that makes me work for it. I have to admit I’m a little impressed.”

Jack stood there awkwardly, unsure how to respond, until eventually the witch spoke again.

“Well, go on,” she waved her hand dismissively, “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Originally Published: 21-Jul-2021