# Not The Best Idea

By: TheDragonBoy

## Content

“‘Let’s go explore the ‘cleaved’ forest,’ you said. ‘It’ll be fun,’ you said-”

“Star, look out!” Marco yelled, interrupting her rant. She looked at the last second to see a tree trunk hurtling toward her, managing to jump out of the way just in time. Shouting out a battle cry, Marco lunged forward with a jump-kick, only to be knocked out of the air by a large furry paw, landing in the dirt next to Star.

“Ugh, this thing is tough,” he muttered.

“Well they didn’t use to call this the ‘Forest of Certain Death’ for nothing,” Star berated.

“I thought you said not to worry about that name!?” Marco replied.

“Yeah, back when I could blast everything with magic!”

Star was not in a good mood. Sure, she was relieved that things had worked out for her and Marco to stay together; but that relief had been overshadowed as she quickly began to realize how different her life would be now that she had destroyed all magic in the multiverse.

Marco, being Marco, eventually managed to convince her to go and explore. With Earth and Mewni having been ‘cleaved together’, everything had sort of become one big undiscovered hodgepodge. He thought exploring would take her mind off things and cheer her up. You think he would have learned by now that every time he tries to cheer up Star, things go wrong.

Case in point: they were now being attacked by a huge, furry forest beast, the size of a small house. Turns out the creatures of Mewni were kind of high-strung now that all their familiar landscape was suddenly merged with a bunch of human streets and buildings.

The beast roared and stomped over to them as they started to pick themselves up, grabbing them firmly in one of its weird, paw/hand forelimbs and lifting them up.

“Well, it could probably be worse,” Marco offered, while at the same time trying to struggle out of the furry grip.

“Oh yeah? How?” Star asked. The beast brought them closer to its muzzle and took a couple large sniffs. Looking up, the princess saw an unsettling look in its eye.

“It could be hungry,” she said apprehensively, answering her own question.

“Exactly, at least it’s not hungry,” Marco replied encouragingly. Then he saw the pale look on Star’s face. Then he saw the beast lick its chops.

“Oh you mean it is hungry don’t you?” he muttered.

It opened its furry jaws, revealing a collection of ridiculously large, pointy teeth framing its rugged, red maw.

“Ahhhhhhh!” they both screamed as the beast tossed them forward, sending them sailing past the off-white chompers. They landed with a splat; Star on top of Marco on top of the massive wet tongue.

“Come on, we gotta get out of here!” Star yelled, rolling off of him and pulling him to his feet, practically dragging him across the slimy floor as she dashed toward the exit. The jaws began to close.

“Star, stop!!” Marco shouted, digging in his heels and pulling her back just as the pointy teeth smashed together in front of her. Plus side: he had just saved her from being bitten in half; down side: the only way out of the beast’s mouth was now being blocked by teeth thicker than a bank vault.

“Open up! Let us out!” Star demanded, beating her fists futilely against the ivory barricade. “It’s smelly in here!”

“Whooaaa!” Marco exclaimed as the tongue underneath them started to shift. Grabbing on to the first thing he could, he latched on to Star’s arm, pulling her down on top of him again as he fell.

“Oof!”

“Sorry Star, it’s really slippery in- on no!”

They both felt it as their weight shifted and they started to slide along the slick floor, picking up speed as they went. The beast was tilting its head back.

“Do something! Try to find something to grab!” Marco yelled frantically.

“Grab what!? Everything’s squishy and gross!”

They came to a sudden stop as they hit the back of the creature’s throat, Marco uncomfortably pinned under Star’s butt as they were both pressed against the firm flesh.

*GULP*

Everything swelled around them as the beast swallowed, its tongue squishing them past its drop and down into the waiting throat.

“Ahhhhh!”
“Nooooo!’

They screamed as they were squeezed rhythmically along the tight passage. Pressed against each other by the contractions of the slimy walls, sending them deeper and deeper inside, all they could do was wriggle until they felt a space begin to open up beneath them.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh- oof!”

The pair landed with a splat in a shallow pool of fluids. The gurgles and groans of the surrounding flesh filled the sultry air, along with the constant beating of the beast’s heart.

“Ugh… Marco, are you okay?” she asked, reaching around and feeling something vaguely Marco-shaped nearby.

“Yeah, I think so,” he answered.

“Did we just…?”

*Sigh* “Yeup, we just got eaten.”

They both lay there for a moment, a bit exhausted from the ordeal.

“Well, I guess we should take a look around,” Marco decided. Sitting up, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, switching on the flashlight. Shining it around, he took a look at the wrinkled pink walls, oozing with slime that glistened as it slowly slid into the puddle where they sat. Looking up, he found the hole that they had entered through, now tightly shut and definitely out of reach.

“Oh man… what are we gonna do now!?” Star asked.

“Don’t worry, we’ll just- No wait we need magic for that… We could- No we need magic for that too… Oh no. There’s no way out! There’s no way out!!” Marco began to yell.

“Can’t you use your phone to call for help?” she asked hopefully.

“The network’s been down since everything got mashed together,” he replied.

“Well we can’t just sit around and die!” Star insisted.

She stood up quickly but grabbed on to Marco for balance as the squishy ground almost made her lose her footing. Regaining her balance, she trudged angrily over to the stomach wall and threw herself against it, punching and kicking at the slimy tissue with a series of dull, wet thumps.

“Let us out!” she yelled.

“Star… I… I don’t think that’s going to work,” Marco said. She gave a few more solid punches before giving up and letting herself slump over into the fleshy wall, sliding down back onto the floor in defeat.

“Great!” she said, “I try to do something good and help the universe by getting rid of magic and what do I get? I get to be the first heir to the throne to end up as a royal snack.”

“Come on Star,” Marco said, taking a few squishy steps over to where the princess lay, “There has to be something we can do.”

“Don’t you get it Marco!? Without magic I’m just like any other normal girl! And what happens to normal girls when they get eaten?”

“Well, uh, people don’t usually get eaten on Earth,” Marco replied, trying to avoid the question.

“Well on Mewni, when someone gets eaten, they die,” Star answered.

There was a loud gurgle to fill the silence as the walls around them undulated, beginning to stir the growing pool of fluids around them.

“No,” Marco said. “No! I did not go through all those crazy adventures with you, ride out this whole emotional rollercoaster and brave the mists of the Neverzone, just to end up as some monster’s snack right after finally becoming your boyfriend! You’re Star Butterfly; you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met- magic or not- and I’m not giving up on you!” Star looked up at him with big, twinkling eyes.

“Awwww, Marco…” she wrapped her arms around his leg, “Thanks.” With his help, she got back onto her feet again. “You’re right. I am Star Butterfly! I didn’t even get my wand until, like, two years ago, and I did plenty of crazy things before that! I don’t need magic to get out of here!”

“So you have a plan?!” Marco asked hopefully.

“No I do not!” she replied in the same triumphant tone.

“Well, at least you’re not lying in stomach acid anymore,” he muttered.

“Wait a minute…” Star said, clearly thinking something over. “That’s it!”

“What’s it?”

“When someone gets eaten alive, it’s the stomach acid that melts off all their skin, right?” Star asked.

“Right…” Marco replied.

“But stomach acid is only in the stomach, right?”

“Yeah…?”

“So all we have to do is get out of the stomach!” she exclaimed.

“Um, isn’t the whole problem that we can’t get out of the stomach?” he asked. “How are we ever gonna get back up to the throat, let alone get it open?”

“Maybe we can’t get out the way we came in, but that’s not the only way out of this belly,” she explained. “Here, give me your phone.” Without waiting for an answer, she quickly snatched the light source out of his hand and aimed its glow towards the floor. She started hunting around, sloshing the couple inches of greenish chyme around with her boots in an attempt to see the flesh below.

“Wait, you don’t mean…” Marco started to ask.

“Ah ha! There it is!” Star announced, standing ankle-deep in what seemed to be the deepest part of the stomach.

“Star, please tell me you’re not thinking that we should, erm, go out the other end?” She looked back at him, clearly uncomfortable with the plan herself.

“Well, either we force our way through here now, or we get painfully digested alive and then go through anyway,” she offered bluntly. Marco groaned; she had a point.

“You know you’ve made some bad choices when the better option is becoming living monster shi-”

“-Just help me get this thing open,” Star said, cutting him off so she didn’t have to visualize the rest of his sentence.

Marco groaned again, but took a few squishy steps over to her, his sneakers splashing in the rising chyme as he went.

“So, how are we supposed to get it to open?” he asked.

“Well… I guess we just have to…” Star got down onto her knees and plunged a hand into the warm digestive soup around them, feeling at the large pucker of flesh below. Her first idea was to try to grab at the edges and pull it open, but it proved too slippery to get a good grip. Instead, she tried just jamming her hand down the middle, hoping she could slip through, but the muscles held the opening shut too tightly. Starting to get frustrated, she stood back up, stepped right into the middle of the sphincter and started to jump up and down.

“Why! Won’t! You! Just! Op-ah!” She threw her arms around Marco for support as she felt the opening below give way, letting her boot slide in past her ankle.

“Well I guess that worked,” she said. “See if you can get your foot in next to mine.” Marco took a step closer, feeling around in the murky liquid until he found the fleshy hole holding Star’s leg. Wriggling around, he did his best to try and squeeze his foot in.

“Hold on, I think I- whoa!”

Suddenly, the sphincter below them lurched open a couple of inches before quickly contracting back, letting both their legs sink in up to their calves and almost making them fall over. Just as they were starting to regain their balance, it happened again, this time taking them in up to their knees.

“Okay, I think we triggered something. Get your other leg inside!” Marco said.

Using each other for balance, they both stuck their free legs into the growing hole as the muscular ring expanded and then contracted once again, letting them slip further inside. They were committed now, the firm, clammy flesh holding them tightly from their toes up to their thighs as their rears bobbed just above the rippling liquids.

Another large spasm drew them deeper, taking their waists into the fleshy grasp. The wet muscle squeezed them tightly against each other, pressing their hips far closer together than was appropriate for a boy and girl their age. They shared a look of embarrassed shock and a blush as the pair each felt the contour of the other’s body against their own.

The awkward moment was quickly lost as another cycle let them through even further. With slimy muscle now surrounding them up over their bellies, the sloshing liquid rose almost to their armpits.

“I can feel the other side!” Star said, wiggling her legs round in the mildly larger space on the far end of the sphincter.

“Good, we just have to hold on until we make it through,” Marco said reassuringly, trying to keep himself calm.

Another round of peristalsis let them slide in up to their chests. Star threw her arms around Marco before they could be pinned to her side. Now only their heads poked up above the rising stomach fluids.

“Here it comes, take a deep breath!” Marco warned.

With a groan and a squelch, the muscular tube below them opened once again, pulling them fully inside and closing quickly over their heads. They held their breath and shut their eyes; their upper bodies pressed against each other as their legs dangled from the far end of the passage; Star’s arms pressed against Marco’s back as they were held in the slimy embrace.

Finally, another pulse ran through the beast’s guts and they felt themselves pushed further along. Now held only down to their bellies, the pair started to wriggle, gravity and the slimy mucus working in their favor. Slowly they began to slide, until finally they slipped right out.

They fell for an inch or two before landing on top of each other and sliding down a short, slimy slope, coming to rest in what felt like a weird, fleshy hammock. They tried to separate but found they only had about two feet of space around them to maneuver. Eventually, they at least managed to position themselves lying next to each other, rather than on top of one another.

“It’s like some weird, living playground slide,” Marco said, shining his phone light around. The narrow tube slowly undulated around them, sloshing around the small amount of chyme that had followed them from the stomach. Shining the light towards their feet, they could see a yard or two further on before the passage twisted out of view.

“Well that could have been worse,” Star said.

“Yeah, at least there’s some air in here,” Marco agreed. There was a moment of awkward silence as the two of them caught their breath.

“So… now what?” Star asked.

“What do you mean? This was your plan.” Marco pointed out.

“Yeah, my plan got us out of the stomach. Now it’s your turn. How do we get out of the rest of his guts?”

“What? That’s not- *sigh* Well I guess we could just wait; the intestines should start moving us along eventually.”

Sure enough, a moment later the pair saw the intestinal walls behind them begin to contract, pushing firmly against their heads and shoulders. They slid forward a few inches and then stopped as the walls withdrew.

“Was… was that it?” Marco asked.

“Aww, at this rate it’ll take us forever to get out! Maybe we can crawl through faster,” she proposed, immediately going and giving it a try.

“Ow. Oof. Star-. Wait, stop- There’s not enough- ugh- room!”

Star let herself collapse again next to Marco after a few moments of struggling. Everything was just too loose and slimy; she couldn’t grab or push against anything.

Another lazy contraction passed through the tube, pushing them forward a couple more inches.

*gurgle*

*groan*

*squelch*

“Well, I’m bored,” Star announced. “I know! Maybe we can play a game!”

“A game? Seriously?”

“Well what else are we supposed to do to pass the time? Now, even though it’s a bit tight I bet we could still play…”

A long while later…

*Peeing ahead*
(If you don’t like it you can skip to the next marker without missing anything)

“Uh, Marco… I have a bit of a problem.”

*sigh* “Where does it itch this time?”

“No not that, I… I kinda have to pee.”

“You have to- Well- can’t you, hold it or something?”

“What do you think I’ve been doing!? I’ve been holding it for the last hour!” she complained. “I feel like I’m gonna burst!”

“Well what do you expect me to do about it!?”

“I don’t know! I just thought I should tell you instead of randomly starting to pee all over everything!”

“Well- er… aww, fine. Just, just get it over with.”

He felt her shift around a bit next to him, no doubt reaching down and pulling her clothes out of the way of her impending flood.

“…”

“I can’t do it while you’re watching!” she protested.

“’Watching’? Star, it’s been pitch black in here ever since I turned my phone off.”

“Yeah, but I can tell you’re facing me,” she insisted.

Marco groaned and started wriggling, rotating himself so he was facing the far wall with his back to Star. He felt her do the same, pressing her back against his.

“… … … Ahhhhh” came the faint sigh of relief, accompanied by the distinct sound of the girl’s urine spraying out from between her legs, spattering against the intestinal walls. Luckily for them, they were already thoroughly covered in wet, body-temperature slime, so they couldn’t really feel the puddle of fresh urine gathering around them. After a few long seconds, the princess’s bladder ran dry and the sound of flow faded into silence.

“You don’t happen to have a tissue or something, do you?” she asked.

“Really?” he asked back.

“What? It just feels kinda dirty to cover up again without, you know, wiping.” Marco rummaged around in his pockets for a minute.

“Well, I do have a tissue, but it’s covered in the monster’s stomach juice- and probably some of yours now too. You still want it?”

“I think I’ll pass.”

“…”

“On the plus side, the urine in here will probably make this thing sick,” Marco commented, trying to break the awkwardness.

“You think that’ll make him let us out faster?” Star asked. “Maybe you should pee too!” Marco’s face turned a new shade of red in the darkness.

“Oh! Uh, no, I- I don’t need to- you know.”

*Peeing over*

A long while after that…

“Hey Star, do you… do you feel that?”

“I don’t know if I ever want to feel anything ever again after spending a week inside monster guts.”

“It’s only been a couple hours.”

“Well it feels like weeks to me.”

“Whatever. Just try and stretch your legs out.”

“…”

“Well that’s different,” Star said. There was something firm at their feet preventing them from pushing forward.

“I think… I think that might be the end!” Marco exclaimed.

“Don’t you get my hopes up again Marco!”

“No really, feel around, it’s just like the hole from the stomach!”

*GASP* “You’re right!”

“¡Gracias a Dios! It’s finally over!”

Star began kicking at the barrier and punching at the fleshy walls. This was something she had previously given up on hours ago, but now she was pretty confident it would have an effect. After all, anyone would probably notice something punching the inside of their butt. Marco joined in, pulling out every karate move he could manage in the tight confines.

It wasn’t long before they heard the beast grunt uncomfortably a few times, and then eventually begin to move. After a few moments they felt the angle of their slimy tunnel change, gravity pulling them towards their feet. Then the walls began to close in on them, the thick mucus squelching against their clothes and skin as the pressure above them increased and the obstruction below them began to give way.

Both their hearts skipped a beat as they began to feel their legs start to slide through the growing hole, picking up speed as the beast’s rear muscles pushed ever harder, forcing them out from their putrid prison. They were quite literally the happiest little shits in the world in that moment, as they finally slid out from the filthy pucker into the clean forest air, falling a few feet before landing with a thud on the open grass.

“Yes!”
“Wooooo!”
“Yeah!”
“Finally!”
“Freedom!”

They shouted, rolling onto their backs and spreading their soiled bodies out over the ground.

The earth below them shook as the beast took a few steps, turning around to examine what strange thing had come out of its rear. It brought its head down to them and the pair went silent. It took one big whiff of them, crinkled its nose, and then turned and walked away.

“Yeah!? Well that smell came from you!” Marco called after it.

“Yeah! And you better run while you can, cause the next time I see you I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you’ll never poop again! In fact as soon as I finish showering for the next three days I’m gonna come back out here and find your hairy…”

Well, at least she’s not sad about losing magic anymore, Marco mused.

“Wait you’re not actually gonna shower for three whole days are you? Because I am not waiting that long for my turn!”

Originally Published: 13-Jun-2019