Content
HNTBL: Other Tails
(a “How Not To Become Lunch” spinoff)
Chapter 1:
A Chance Eating/Meeting
It was a brisk autumn day, grey clouds in the sky ominously promising colder days to come. Ender, having stretched and lightly warmed up, began his 10k run around the park. Headphones resting on top of his head, the sharpest of ears could pick out the audio book “Dead Beat” by Jim Butcher playing through them. He enjoyed the pleasant distraction, his arms and legs moving almost subconsciously, as the character in his book battled pure evil and never quit, a work of fiction indeed.
Slee made her way around the park. Was the teenage naga out there to work out? Nope, not at all, she just wanted a decent breakfast. Some humans had a thing for physical activity, and much to her delight, most of them didn’t exactly pay attention to their surroundings while running or doing whatever else. One human in particular was wearing headphones. What else could she have asked for? I mean, she would have to take the headphones off and what not, but that little effort was well worth the easy meal.
At first she thought about pretending to practise sports, but abandoned the idea and just unassumingly slithered closer to Ender, hoping that he was focused enough on the audiobook not to notice her as she approached the track.
Ender continued on said track, his mind focused on the basics of running and the pleasant distraction his audiobook provided. A turn in the path brought something red and scaly into the corner of his eye, but in the middle of running he thought, “Maybe naga go for jogs as well?” He still had most of his run left so he focused on maintaining his pace, letting his stride lengthen and the morning air fill his lungs.
Slee continued making her slithering way through the park. Her red scales set her off as something of a rarity among naga. “I’ve seen humans do bizarre activities here” she thought, “Maybe I can catch one while they’re warm and tasty?” She didn’t mind what the humans did here, and also didn’t want to hunt the location till they never turned up, but it was just before school and she was out of her favourite cereal. She found herself casually slithering onto the running path and following it along, hoping to find one of the tasty athletes… “Well, wouldn’t you know it?” She spotted ahead of her, on a later curve in the path, a specimen of young human male athleticism, moving quickly along. Slee looked down at her own form, much more cushiony, made of soft rounded shapes.
“I should definitely try this ‘jogging’ at some point, like, actually. I’m slow,” she thought to herself, as she watched the young man outrun her. She knew he was going in circles, or at least following some sort of pattern, so thankfully she didn’t have to actually follow him. She could, quite literally, just wait there, standing still, and pick him up the next time he passed by. Food delivery? In a sense. Deeming the guy dumb - he was, after all, listening to a friggin’ audiobook while out in the open - she didn’t feel the need to move from her spot. She was pretty sure that he was at least aware of her presence, and the fact that he didn’t stop or change his path cemented her opinion on her soon-to-become breakfast.
Ender continued, beginning his second lap of the park. He rounded a bend, marking where he thought he’d first seen the jogging naga. “Wait a second,” he thought, “there is no way nagas go for jogs, how ‘run high’ am I?” He slowed, removing his headphones and looked around carefully.
“No! You were supposed to be an idiot!” “Ugh.” She huffed, her forked tongue rolling out of her mouth for a brief moment. Then her belly growled, audibly. “No need to remind me.” She’d have to bring it on a little, she’d have to ACTUALLY walk in order to gobble up that man. She dragged her long snake body along, following the jogging path she knew he’d take. Maybe she could reassure her prey that she was exercising after all.
He eventually spotted her. “Oh, she is literally just out for exercise as well,” Ender thought, seeing the slowly retreating form of the Rubenesque naga. He began to jog lightly again, planning on offering her a greeting when he passed by. She had a really nice, shiny tail, the patterns stunning as he jogged past it and on to her upright body. “Morning,” he said by way of greeting as his strides took him beside her 30 metre long serpentine form.
Slee wasn’t usually one to regret eating, digesting and therefore killing people, but this guy… He was just too naïve. Most other preds would be amused, perhaps glad to find someone so dumb - and she was too for the most part - she just didn’t like the idea of replying to that ‘morning’ with an eager, greedy ‘nom’. So, at least for this lap, she just sort of waved her hand and nodded her head ‘hi’. Despite her own softly rounded form, Slee did enjoy the taut, athletic look of the running boy.
“Take the hint,” she thought. Her belly made a sound, as if it protested against the mercy “I’ll get him! --if he doesn’t start to understand.” It made a quieter noise, as if saying ‘fine’.
Ender was pleased to have gotten acknowledged by the naga, though when he heard her tummy growl, he quickened his pace, letting the adrenaline dump of that existential fear, of being melted into that growling hungry belly, help him take the “shoelace express” on his last lap. He finished running, letting his speed bleed off as he neared the dip and pull-up bars near the centre of the small neighbourhood park.
Dry leaves blew in swirls around the area as winter started to make its presence known. Ender removed his headphones, hanging them on his neck, and crunched over the dried leaves to the dip bars to stretch. His body began to cool immediately in the autumn air.
“NOO! He noticed!! Well, at least he’ll make it through another day…” --What was she thinking? Why would she just give up? She was a predator; compassion was a feeling foreign to most of them, her included. Whatever had gotten into her head that morning, it had to leave immediately. But she could make up for it by, well, devouring him anyways. She started to slither faster, now seeming like she was either into her ‘jogging’ or trying to catch up to him. Whether it was the former or latter, she was also trying to build up her appetite even further.
Ender was nearly done cooling off when he noticed the plump naga approaching. The leaves parted before her towering form with an ominous *SHhhhhhh*.
“Morning miss, great day for a jog isn’t it?” he offered. She seemed out of breath, which would be normal, but her face was hard to read. Was she slightly annoyed? At him?
“Uh--” She was a bit surprised. He took the time to walk up to her? Talk to her?! I mean, that was nice of him, better than being seen as a stomach-on-tail, but still… Had he just-- never met a pred before? Unlikely. She cleared her very impatient throat.
“I guess,” she said in reply. “Miss?” she thought incredulously, “I’m just a hungry girl.” She shrugged, her very long tail moving almost idly, though she was actually trying to get it behind him. “It is a nice day, yeah,” she added. Her tone stayed neutral. “Hopefully you like it enough to be satisfied when you realise, it’ll also be your last.” Slee thought. The hunger felt like a needful hollowness that started at her ‘human’ stomach and extended down her serpentine body.
“Are you always here around this time? I’m kinda new to town and looking for some good places to go.” Ender spoke earnestly, looking up at the naga. He sat down cross-legged in front of her, still stretching his legs to ease the light, post-run tension and enjoying the euphoric feeling of having completed a run.
“Only when I’m hungry.” What was the point of keeping her façade? She was sure she would get what she wanted either way. She leaned closer. “Wow, what a dumbass! He sat down… This couldn’t be easier.” She was honestly kind of pissed off, she’d had to rush along on her scales only to then catch him like this? How anticlimactic. She rolled her green eyes and wrapped her crimson coils around his legs, rather quickly. “Man, this is nothing personal, I hope you get that.” This felt good, her coils holding and subduing a human form.
Ender’s face fell as the coils tightened around his legs. He looked up into the naga’s face as she told him “it was nothing personal”, and it seemed filled with disdain. He hadn’t been rude had he? She had seemed so nice. He spoke if only to continue to speak, “Please miss, I just got to a good part in my book,” he said pointing to the headphones resting around his neck.
“A-Are you actually kidding me?!” she seethed. Slee didn’t know how to take that nonchalant behaviour. Was it arrogance? Was he fearless? She’d show him what was coming, then! She tightened one coil around his legs, then flicked the tip of her tail, slapping his headphones off. “No, I’m serious, do you know what we do?” she dragged him closer to her massive body “We eat humans.” Was she seriously wasting time lecturing her meal? Slee marvelled at the strange day this was turning out to be.
“I thought it was,” he gestured, looking for words, “you know, rude humans or humans you marked. My sister told me running in the park would be safe.” She’d set him up! he realised darkly. Jess had broken the treadmill, knowing he hated jumping rope and had sent him to his doom. Ender glanced at the probably ruined headphones on the ground, then down at his tightly coiled legs. Then he looked up at the hungry naga… struggling seemed like it would only annoy her further. Her broad mouth began to open, but not to consume him yet apparently.
“…N-No, we actually just eat whoever we want. Marked ones are MUCH better than most, though!” she let her tongue out, licking her muzzle at the thought. She composed herself a few moments after. “I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is.” She pulled him closer and forced his body up, being considerate enough not to lift him upside down - which she usually preferred. Why? Why was she being considerate to this anonymous, unmarked, human snack? She glanced around to make sure no other preds were nearby to hear this.
“I-- look, I gave you so many chances! You just didn’t take them and leave. I’d argue I was, like, very thoughtful. Now, any last words?” She was justifying herself to food?! “What the hell?” she thought.
Ender watched the long tongue with interest and dread. Those jaws were inevitably going to open and he was going into this naga and never coming out. He thought of Jess’ smirking, evil face for a moment.
“If I give you my address can you… get my sister for this?” he asked, continuing to seem externally calm, which he did not feel at all. “I know I’ll just be… gone… inside you… but, she deserves it for this.” Ender began to tremble then, with the knowledge that these were his last moments.
Slee stared at Ender dumbfounded. Usually, eating took less than 10 seconds if she was hungry, 20 if she was just-like-kind-of-hungry. This was dragging on for too long. Considering how fast she was at engulfing and devouring prey, she rarely got to hear things like this. Most interactions went ‘AAA’, or ‘PLEASE DON-’, this delicious smelling boy didn’t.
“…You know what? When we eat, it’s kind of a given that you guys know what’s up. You don’t stick with your friends, you don’t pay enough attention, you crack under pressure, perhaps even have a meltdown instead of reacting, but… This kind of isn’t your fault. It’s a different thing.” If her belly could speak, it would be cursing at her. “So-- I…” she loosened her coils. “Now scram before I change my mind, got it?!” she hissed at him.
Ender stepped out of her coils carefully; stepping on a tail at this point would be… stupid beyond all mortal ken. He backed slowly, cautiously away from the crimson naga. He recovered his headphones and prepared to leave. But she had been quite kind to him, given her own wants and needs. He had to ask, “Thank you. May I ask your name before I go? Mine’s Ender.” “Do I actually want to die?” he wondered looking at the breathtaking naga. “Maybe I just don’t want her to leave?”
She was right about to just scream, it almost felt like adding insult to injury. “SLEE!!! NOW GO.” she responded, clutching her scaly fists. The tip of her tail thrummed, as if she were a rattlesnake. But just after that fit of frustration, she added “…Will you still give me your address?” Her hungry belly had disowned her at this point; its need echoing in every movement, every syllable she spoke.
Ender WAS frightened when ‘Slee’ yelled, another boy might have run screaming before she’d even had a chance to add that last part, but Ender’s fear was a calculating creature, not given to rash action. Slee’s tail flailed dangerously; he idly noticed a dent in the steel pull up bars. But she had just given him his life- for another few hours at least- and clearly there was a large, hollow, acid-filled part of her that hadn’t wanted to. This town was very different from the previous places he had lived. He removed his phone from his pocket, still looking at her.
“Should I text it through or will you remember?” he asked, his fingers working on the phone, typing details into a text box, waiting on Slee’s contact information.
Slee found inside her young self a dangerous, short-fused calm, “Texts are fine, I guess.” She proceeded to give him the details he needed. There were some things she wanted to say to him, but hey, she would have the chance to do that through messages, at a safe distance, with a bellyful of his replacement. Had she gotten a tiny bit attached to him? No. Maybe. DEFINITELY NOT. Perhaps. Groannnn! Slee’s belly rumbled in complete abhorrence of this situation.
“Okay, now get the hell out of here.” She was getting pretty hungry, to the point that she might just eat him anyways, even after giving him up.
Ender entered Slee’s details and then did exactly as he was told by the nice, but clearly quite hungry naga. He prepared to sprint flat out- though not from fear, in fact some part of his mind actually wondered if Slee might be impressed with how quick he could be- rather he just really wanted to get home and accuse his 17 year old sister. Not that that ever worked though. His parents never believed him. “Thanks again Slee, maybe see you again. Good hunting.” He put the ‘jets’ on, sprinting away towards his house, thoughts of the curvy naga still echoing through his mind.
…Her tail had felt nice too.